Like Rain, Like You.

When you speak about me
like you knew anything
I just laugh at it
'Cause you know nothing.

Your love is like rain
but I want to stay dry
and I drowned in the river
that you made me cry.

And now, when I breath
It's hard not to choke
cause I've been out of air
since last time we spoke.

I don't want to need you
but I guess that I do.
It's hard to belive
I'm a lot like you.

What I Did.

Words I want to unsay.
Things I want to undo.
But everything I ever did,
I did do for you.

You say you love me for who I am,
but it can never messure up to
how much you hate me for what I did.

why should I regert it.
Why should I have to undo.
You can say it's my fault
but you did wrong to.

If you really regret you doing and
If everyone hates you for what you did,
did you really do the right thing?

About Samantha Carmine, part 4 (last part)

Suddenly he was just standing there. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Andy, who I hadn’t seen for five years, was standig right in front of me. I bit my lip not to smile. I couldn’t have him knowing how extremely happy I was to see him. And he made that really hard for me when he started smiling himself. He didn’t say anything. I didn’t want him to either. I was terrified. What was going to happen now? Everyone thought I was dead. I should have known Andy would recognise my face on that poster. I should have known changing my hairstyle wouldn’t make me look different enough. And most of all I should have known that Andy understood me. He would know I wasn’t dead. Not after what I said that night. And now he found me.
- Why are you sad, Carmine? he finally asked.
- I don’t know what your talking about, I said though I knew it was hopeless.
- You know damn well. I’m talking about you, Samantha Carmine.
- My name’s not Samantha Carmine.
- Not anymore I suppose. What’s your name then?
I didn’t answer. He didn’t need to know. I would always be Samantha Carmine to him, no matter what I said.
- Why did you leave? he asked and I hated how sad he sounded.
- You know damn well why I left.
- Yeah... But why did you leave without me?
- Because... You belonged Andy, I didn’t.
- I would have gone with you!
- No, you wouldn’t, I sighed, knowing he knew I was right.
- But why pretending to be dead? Why not just run away?
- Because everyone would come looking for me and they would find me. And I couldn’t go back.
Andy looked away and didn’t reply. He understood. I looked at him. He looked pretty much the same. Though five years doesn’t do much in our age. He still had that Andy Warhol haircut and dark sunglasses. Looking at him like that made me realize how much I missed him. Then he looked back at me.
- Smile for me, Samantha, se said softly. I missed your smile so much.
And I smiled. No one had called me Samantha for a very long time. I hated that name, but when Andy said it, it was okay. Because he was Andy. Because he was the only one who knew anything. About Samantha Carmine.
The End (for real).

About Samantha Carmine, part 3

A reporter asked me once:
- What do you think happened to Miss Carmine?
I honestly had no idea what to answer. One day she was been there and the next she wasn’t.

It has passed five years. She has been gone for five years. They had found a car with her blood all over it and they had assumed she was dead. Even though they never found a body.
I missed her terribly. And I still believed she was alive. Somewhere. That she just found her escaping path.

Then one day. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I saw this poster in a record store and the girl on it… It was no doubt. It was Carmine. The poster was commercial for a concert in a few weeks. I asked one of the shop assistants where I could get tickets and got myself one. I had to see her!

The night the concert was taking place I was so nervous I almost turned inside out. What would I say to her? Would I even get to talk to her? What if it wasn’t even her? What if it was just me getting ahead of myself? But there was no way I was dropping out. I must have been her. I would recognise those dimples anywhere.

After the concert I was more sure than ever. Carmine was utterly alive and she had been standing right in front of me. She didn’t look the same anymore. Her hair was shorter and in a new bluish colour. Her eyes seemed darker and her face was paler. And she looked so sad. But it was her. It was her and she was alive.

Being who I am I got myself into the backstageparty. There was a lot of poeple and I did my best looking around for her. Suddenly I noticed the bluish hair moving towards the dressingrooms. I forced myself through the crowd to follow her. As I reached the corridor with the dressing rooms, she was already in the end of it. I ran towards her and grabed her arm. She turned around ad looked straight at me. Once again I was looking into the eyes I held so dear and this time I wasn’t going to let go of them again.
The End.

About Samantha Carmine, part 2.

Jag rekomenderar att du läser den första delen först. Den som bara heter "About Samantha Carmine".

The first time I met Andy was at a friend of mines birthday party. I believe he was there with my friends’ ex-boyfriend. I noticed him since he looked a lot like Andy Warhol, with his blond hair and dark sunglasses. When he told me his name was actually Andy Walker I almost started laughing. I told him to call me Carmine, just like everybody else. We talked and danced all night. He was really sweet, in a way. At least different. Somehow I felt like he understood me. He accepted who I was.
He walked me home. It was 03.00 pm but he walked me all the way home even though he was going in the opposite direction. After we said goodbye on the sidewalk outside my house and I shut the door behind me, I knew. Andy was the one. If he wasn’t, then this kind of life that I was living wasn’t for me.

- I never wanted this, I said to him one day.
- Wanted what? He asked.
- This life.
- What do you mean?
I know he knew what I meant. I had just never said it straight out before. He knew I hated being the girl every other girl wanted to be. I was, as they said; “super rich, super famous and super beautiful”. You’d found about just those words in any celebrity newspaper in America. It wasn’t like I didn’t like my “life” or the people around me, it was the fact that because I was born into this life, people believed I must be a brat, stupid and spoiled. I simply didn’t earn living this life.
It had been me and Andy for quite some time now. Not years or anything, but long enough.
We could run away you know, I said. We could go to a place where money and fame doesn’t matter.
- Are you sure you could leave all this, he asked.
He was lying on his back on the floor beside me. I looked into his eyes. I could tell my look scared him, but at the moment, I didn’t care.
- If I said I could, would you come with me?
Inside, I already knew what he was going to say. I just needed to hear it.
- Maybe, he answered and looked away, into the roof.
I knew it scared him, leaving. Even though Andy understood me, he wasn’t like me. I didn’t belong in this world, he did.
I raised from the floor. He asked where I was going. I said I had to go.
- To where, he wondered.
I looked at him. I didn’t smile, even though I wanted to, because I knew he loved it when I did.
- Just…, I started but changed my mind. He didn’t need to know where I was going.
- Just what?
- Just, I’ll se you, I said and took of.

And I desperately hoped that I would. But even though I loved Andy, he didn’t know anything about me. About Samantha Carmine.
The End.

About Samantha Carmine.

I remember the first time I met her, though it was so long ago. She had her neon pink hair up in a chick hairstyle and so much hairspray that it looked very plastic. She had plenty of make up and clothing in the latest fashion, only in black and white.

But I guess it was her smile that I fell for. No one would ever forget that smile, I say. Perfect lips with light pink lipstick on and the sweetest dimples I had ever seen. And she smiled at me as I first laid my eyes on her, only moments after I walked into the room. Because she was the first one I saw, that night. She was just the kind of girl you notice. If you'd put her in a room of hundred strangers, she would be the first one you saw. Because that's who she was, my Carmine.

I say Carmine, because that's what she told me to call her. At the very first time we where introduced. It was a friend of mine who knew one of her friends.

- Hi, my name is Andy Walker, I said.

- I’m Samantha Carmine, she answered with her beautiful smile. But you can call me just Carmine, everybody does.

And since then, it was always me and Carmine. I guess that from the feeling that ran through my body when I first saw her, grew some kind of love. And I sure loved her. But I guess not even true love last forever.

- We could run away you know, she said. We could leave all this and go to a place where money and fame doesn’t matter.

That was one of the things that fascinated me most about Carmine. She was super rich, super famous and super beautiful, but she had no problem what so ever to see the difference between her “sweet little reality” and the real world. She had said so many times that she wished that she was just an ordinary girl. That she would trade away all her wealth for just a moment of true happiness.

- Are you sure you could leave all this? I asked her.

I was lying on my back on the floor in one of the VIP-rooms of the disco we used to hang out at.She looked at me, straight in the eyes.

- If I said I could, would you come with me?

I tried to see if she were serious or not, but it was impossible to tell. But she wasn’t smiling.

- Maybe, I said and looked up to the roof. I couldn’t take looking at her.

And there’s nothing I regret more in my life than looking away that night. Because then she was gone. When I called her the very next day she did not answer. Nor the day after that. When I went to her apartment no one answered. The next day she was reported missing. Time went on and soon she was declared dead. No one ever saw Samantha Carmine again. The least me. I guess I never really knew anything about Carmine. She never told me anything about her. She never told anybody anything. And that’s probably why no one knew where she went or why she disappeared. No one knew anything. About Samantha Carmine.

The End.

Welcome to London (1854)

At a dark time.
Walkin' down the darker street.
Skins are white,
And even whiter sheets.

Boys in high hats
and girls in pretty dresses.
Jewels and diamonds
that you’d may think excesses.

Ladies are stupid.
Madness is contagious.
Whatever you want,
Your loving is outrageous.

A pretty fiancé
is worth more than you will.
And freedom is
a wish we cannot fulfil.

Throw you in the owen
Can you take the heat?
When winter comes
Surviving is a feat.

Poor little children.
Waiting behind the drapery.
Soon it's their turn.
Yes, it sure is a tragedy.

Six years has gone
In memory of miss Ophelia Gray.
She’ll haunt you on
Her dying day, Hurray, hurray!

Welcome to London,
the hell's here on tour.
Welcome to home.
It's eighteenfiftyfour.