Beyond.

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It does hurt, but am saying nothing. The pain in her mind if she knew would be far worse than any pain my body could ever feel. My body is not my strength but her emotions are weaker.
I am not moving. I cannot. Even if it did not hurt I would not. If my sheet slides down my scars will show. I cannot let her see them. I have not even seen them myself, but I have been told they are pretty nasty. It will take time until they heal, if they ever do.
She is sitting next to me, her eyes are closed but I think she is awake. She would not be able to sleep, I know her well enough to know that. She is fighting her own guilt. It does not matter what I tell her, she cannot forgive herself for what she did even if it was what anybody else would have done. “But it was I who did it, no one else. I should have noticed”, she said. I do not argue, because she is right. She could have noticed, but it was not very likely that she would. Because who would have guessed? Who would have contemplated over such a thing? I looked dead, I felt dead and I was silent. If I had been in her shoes and it would have been her in mine, I would not have hesitated if I could not hear her, not feel her. I would have assumed she was gone. Now I will never be able to assume such a thing. Not after what I have been through. Not after all the pain I have seen it causes.


- Ur novellen Beyond.