Once upon a dream

Silent winds, what do they say
memories are thrown away
we are post the past
we are before the future
once upon a time
was only yesterday
remember who you are
forget who you were
Inbetween history
could we just get this far.

Maybe sometime time will tell
Our war, we fought it well

reach the victory at last?

wouds healed with suture

but at the end of the line
we only tripped end fell.
I will remember from where I came
But do not belong there anymore
We will become history
and in the end we are still the same.

Everybody's Girl

Before a thousand grasping hands
In a glaring light she stands
Trying hard to meet demands
Everybody's girl
Defenseless more and more each time
Desecration is their crime
Vandalizing every rhyme
Everybody's pet
Becoming someone else outside
Hoping to protect and hide
What they smile at, then deride
Everybody's fool
Awaiting still some unknown sign
When she'll use her chance to shine
How should she her life define?
No one's woman yet.

- Emilie Autumn, Everybody's Girl

Your filthy heart

What I feel when I look at you?
The hatred
And how much I want to see
you lying dead on the ground.
And at the same time I feel
a yearning
This is more than I can get
my head wrapped around.

I hate you,
I despise and detest your filthy heart
But yet I can't take us being apart.

I want you
I long and desire for your filthy heart
But yet I want us so widely apart.

We are the same, but I don't know the rules to your game.
Who is to blame when both of our arrows hit the same aim?
Why should I feel shame when it's only your filthy heart which knows my true name?

Fire Walk With Me

"Through the darkness of futures past,
The magician longs to see.
One chants out between two worlds
Fire walk with me.
I’ll catch you with my death bag,
You may think I’ve gone insane
But I promise I will kill again."

- Leland Palmer/BOB/MIKE, Twin Peaks.

Because I'm Audrey Horne, and I get what I want.

Ännu en dag i vanlighetens tecken har passerat. Gå upp lite för sent, klä på sig, dricka kaffe, fixa håret, sminka sig, springa till bussen, ha lektion osv, osv, osv.
Men idag var vi som var där från Mode/reklamdelen på foto på en utställning. Den var fin. Där fanns, mitt bland alla foton, en dikt som jag först inte förstod, men jag kände att den var så jag. Och när guiden berättade vad den handlade om, så föstod jag precis vad den betydde. Vacker är den och här har ni den i alla fall:

Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;
It is the holes between that makes it useful.
Shape clay into a vessel;
It is the space within that makes it useful.
Open doors and windows in a room;
It is the holes which make it useful.
Therefore benefit comes from what is there;
Usefulness from what is not there.

- Lao Tse, Tao Te Ching

Fattar man så fattar man, och tolkningen är individuell, men jag finner i alla fall mycket mening och sanning i den. Materialismen tar överhanden, men jag säger absolut inte att jag är ett undantag. Jag är nog en av de värsta jag känner.

Jag dissar dagens outfit idag, för jag har typ bara fått kläderna och har på mig. Men ni kan ju titta bäst ni vill, eller nått.

Twin Peaks igår, twin peaks ikväll. Cooper är min man och Audrey är sötast Y

All Things

Look at me
Beyond my body
I know you can see
The night is empty
But for me and you

White walls, white sheets
Your eyes are wandering
I cannot seem to
capture you tonight
Why are you afraid?

Among the stars
the dead lives on
You were searching
for me in the sky
must have been a cloudy night

Look at me
I am very much alive
Your eyes are not so cold
when you look at me
Tonight is a clear night

Trust and forgiveness are just two of all things.

A Happy Place

I have a Happy Place
where I am never alone.
There is love, there is pain
in my Happy Place.

Maybe time don't know where you are.
Maybe you're gonna come around.
I know you know exactly where I am
Maybe I just don't want to be found.

I have a Happy Place
where I am never alone.
But maybe it is all in my head
in my Happy Place.

A house with turned on lights.

97;48: NOW PLAYING: Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

All I ever wanted
When the days turned into nights
Was to come home to
A house with turned on lights.

You watched me from
A safe distance gathering my hope
You only waited for me
To find my senses so I could cope.

I had waited and wished,
Collecting every piece of my mind
To reach this very point
Where I could have all the peace to find.

You made it so simple
Letting me know you were meant for me
Now it's between just us
Let's make this what I need it to be.

Hey now, hey now, iko iko, un-day

97;48: NOW PLAYING: I Drove All Night - Cyndi Lauper

Summer day like summer day

wiping the doubts away.

The scratches on my hands

only proves I worked hard.

There is no clouds in the sky

and the sun stands high.

No decieve and no demands

You have caught me of guard.

For Every Dream.

I scream
You scream
We all scream
for that little piece of mind
making us hold on
to the dream.

If it's allright
is it allright?
it is allright.
I expect the sandstorms and the rain,
but I do believe you are
worth the fight.

If I had a dollar for every dream
and every thought of you.
Then there would be nothing in this world
I couldn't afford to do.

Idag åker jag till Trollhättan för att tävla. Jag ångrar lite att jag anmälde mig, men nu är det försent. Hoppas vi får kul, så att det känns värt efteråt.

Cyndi Lauper och Sahara Hotnights kommer till Hultsfred. Jag längtar som fan nu. Vill ha sommar, sol, värme, tunna kläder och fina konserter.

Foto: Kajsa Sandgren
Modell: Jag
Redigering: Jag

We are sweet music, love.

I am lonely when you are gone to long.
I would cry if we were done.
Your words in my ear makes a beautiful song
and I will do my best to sing along.

Det är en dum idé att kolla på tradera när ens mamma inte är hemma.
Imorgon är det invägning och jag ska lägga undan min älskade jacka.
Nu ska jag duscha och hoppas på att där är varmvatten.

Beyond.

.
.
It does hurt, but am saying nothing. The pain in her mind if she knew would be far worse than any pain my body could ever feel. My body is not my strength but her emotions are weaker.
I am not moving. I cannot. Even if it did not hurt I would not. If my sheet slides down my scars will show. I cannot let her see them. I have not even seen them myself, but I have been told they are pretty nasty. It will take time until they heal, if they ever do.
She is sitting next to me, her eyes are closed but I think she is awake. She would not be able to sleep, I know her well enough to know that. She is fighting her own guilt. It does not matter what I tell her, she cannot forgive herself for what she did even if it was what anybody else would have done. “But it was I who did it, no one else. I should have noticed”, she said. I do not argue, because she is right. She could have noticed, but it was not very likely that she would. Because who would have guessed? Who would have contemplated over such a thing? I looked dead, I felt dead and I was silent. If I had been in her shoes and it would have been her in mine, I would not have hesitated if I could not hear her, not feel her. I would have assumed she was gone. Now I will never be able to assume such a thing. Not after what I have been through. Not after all the pain I have seen it causes.


- Ur novellen Beyond.

within, without.

It doesn't feel much at all. Is emptyness really to be considered as a feeling? If you are empty, you have no feelings, right?
I try to hold on, but you are slipping away. I cannot hold on to something unreal in the end, so is the fiction really worth the fight?
You are not here, you never really were. I reach for your love and I find nothing, but yet you are the one I dream of at night.
Do you mind letting me go? You choke me and I need to breath real air. My feelings for you were a corsette I pulled in to tight.

Thank you and good night.

Happy-Go-Lucky

I'll be dancing on the doorstep
to your golden castle
until you invite me in.

I wont give up, not so easily.

Operation Paperclip

You call me your darling

but dear, here's a warning;

When I get attached
You never get out.

Don't care what you say
Our true colours, are they

even well matched?
Not well, get out.

Now I wont let you slip
kept together by paperclip

sewn and patched

over and out.

A sweet story.

I will let you sweep me away.
I entrust you with my soul.
I believe that there is something more
than the words to say.

For heartbeats, strength and glory
I have followed your guidence.
But from you I have no defence.
We are a sweet story.

Prova Stjärnorna.

Svenskauppgift: Skriv dikt om kärlek och ta en bild till.

In time.

In due of time
I'll find my peace
And all the searching
for happy endings
will come to the end of the line.

And in my mind
the lifetimes lease
are silently still lurching
But hope is mending
And I'll live forever in time.

Idag tog jag steget och kammade tillbaks min länge åtsidokammade mittbena och hellugg. Den har på senare tid varit ganska saknad. Så nu är det det som gäller. Men i frisyren på bilden tänker jag inte visa mig offentligt förrens jag blekt min utväxt...

Insurance.

"Is it the truth we're searching? If so, what truth is that? Truth is subjective and whatever you hope to find at the end of the line, it is probably not the same truth as the one I need to keep on going. You said you needed me on this, but what if I only slow you down in your search? What if the goals we're hoping to reach are too different? If love was all there was to need then I would have been happy just for a life with you right here and now, but you seem to want something more. Maybe I am not the one to give you that."

"I believe you are."

"So did I. And I still want to believe that I am. But as it is now I can't go on desperately reaching for a fate with you that I am not supposed to have. What it I am simply not who was meant for you?"

"Yeah, what if you aren't. And what if you are? And you're just giving up on our chance of perfect happiness. Why won't you just face your doubts for me and come with me?"

"I'll go to the end of the world with you, you know that. But I need some insurance."

"I love you. Is that insurance enough?"

the rest of my life.

'Cause I know you love the loveconfessions:

1: Wouldn't it be nice to hear the one you're in love with say that you're their one great love and they want to spend the rest of their life with you?
2: Yes, that would be nice... Though I doubt I will ever here that from the one I love...
1: And who is that?
2: You.
1: ...
2: ...
1: You're my one great love and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.